My nephew Lance who turned 2 two days ago.
Sunday, October 31, 2004
Halloween Homie
I'm spending today at home, just keeping quiet and doing homie stuff-- reading the papers (just the entertainment/lifestyle section; I don't bother with the news), watching TV, and napping.
I haven't done this in such a long time. Today's Halloween.
I was supposed to have dinner at Spanky's house with his family, but I weighed my options, and decided to just stay home. He deserved to have unlimited quality time at home. Meanwhile, my mom's having empty nest issues, highlighted by her aching right arm. She felt alone and when I was watching TV, she went up to me, crying, and asked me if I could be there when the reflexologist comes. She felt she couldn't go through the pain alone. Actually, I'm writing this now while the reflexologist is feeling her arm. Mom's back to her chatty self, but her arm will not be healing instantly.
Work stuff seems to be a thousand dreams away. But I know when tomorrow comes, the hustle and bustle starts again. But let me focus on today right here. It's rare that I feel at home...at home.
I haven't done this in such a long time. Today's Halloween.
I was supposed to have dinner at Spanky's house with his family, but I weighed my options, and decided to just stay home. He deserved to have unlimited quality time at home. Meanwhile, my mom's having empty nest issues, highlighted by her aching right arm. She felt alone and when I was watching TV, she went up to me, crying, and asked me if I could be there when the reflexologist comes. She felt she couldn't go through the pain alone. Actually, I'm writing this now while the reflexologist is feeling her arm. Mom's back to her chatty self, but her arm will not be healing instantly.
Work stuff seems to be a thousand dreams away. But I know when tomorrow comes, the hustle and bustle starts again. But let me focus on today right here. It's rare that I feel at home...at home.
Saturday, October 23, 2004
Breaking a Promise
Two weeks ago, I broke a promise to myself. I cut my hair.
It seems that my tresses can go for only five months before they start to pine for the metallic snip-snips. Darn it, at this rate, I will never have long hair as long as I live!
I started my affair with short hair (this style of short hair anyway- a layered, more feminine version of the boy's cut) back in my sophomore year in college. After getting tired of my haircut cycle (whenever I had below-the-shoulder length, I'd get antsy and cut it back to a chin-length bob until it grows out again), I decided to have a shorter cut. And surprisingly, I really, really liked it.
After graduation, I bummed around for 7 months. Because of the angst, I decided to cut my hair even shorter--like an inch-length of black grass covering my scalp. But a week later, I discovered that when a cool, Dolores O'Riordan-like haircut grows out with my type of hair, it sticks out, like the rays of the sun. So I had to constantly tame it with sticky hair gel. Yuck.
Now that I'm older, I want to try out the more feminine, longhaired look. But it seems that I'm stuck to this short hair I've grown comfortable with for the past decade.
Oh well, having short hair doesn't make me less of a girl.
It seems that my tresses can go for only five months before they start to pine for the metallic snip-snips. Darn it, at this rate, I will never have long hair as long as I live!
I started my affair with short hair (this style of short hair anyway- a layered, more feminine version of the boy's cut) back in my sophomore year in college. After getting tired of my haircut cycle (whenever I had below-the-shoulder length, I'd get antsy and cut it back to a chin-length bob until it grows out again), I decided to have a shorter cut. And surprisingly, I really, really liked it.
After graduation, I bummed around for 7 months. Because of the angst, I decided to cut my hair even shorter--like an inch-length of black grass covering my scalp. But a week later, I discovered that when a cool, Dolores O'Riordan-like haircut grows out with my type of hair, it sticks out, like the rays of the sun. So I had to constantly tame it with sticky hair gel. Yuck.
Now that I'm older, I want to try out the more feminine, longhaired look. But it seems that I'm stuck to this short hair I've grown comfortable with for the past decade.
Oh well, having short hair doesn't make me less of a girl.
Monday, October 18, 2004
just a ride
I am feeling sick my head hurts from sneezing and sniffling I am all stressed out though i don't show it i feel all tense inside i feel unloved and needy and misunderstood i wish i can float on my back and just look at the clouds and think of nothing else maybe i should take up yoga i won't be even playing badminton later because I don't feel well I don't usually write when I'm all angsty and weird but here I am I am displaced and forgotten and probably forgetful as well I wish this day would dissolve into peals of laughter and dreamy delights whatever that means.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Carpe Diem and all that
I CANNOT believe I'm working in TV again. I mean it's just a freelance project but still. I took on the position of E.P. and that doesn't make it feel like it's freelance.
Let me rephrase my first sentence. I CANNOT believe I said yes to being an E.P. again. Haven't I had enough? For more than a year in my former job, I've endured marketing meetings, production birth pains, leading the team (which only involved one-- well, okay two, counting the host) and management stuff. But here I am, doing the same things all over--which makes me wonder if I'm either desperate or I just have a short-term memory.
Half the time, I feel like I'm pretending to know what I'm doing. And more than once, I've almost sent a text to G saying that I feel that I'm not up to it. But I don't want to let her down. I know I shouldn't stay just because I don't want to disappoint other people, but I feel that I have to go through this to maybe boost my confidence or to maybe make money.
M and I were chatting via YM yesterday and she said her company offered her to be the Editor-in-Chief of another mag. She turned it down because she didn't feel ready (although I think we both know she is). I told her my dilemma and she said, "I think we just don't want the responsibility." I asked her, "So when do we take on these things?" And she answered, "I plan to do that when I'm 30."
I feel like I'm in a tasking relationship. Everyday, I make a decision to stay. After all, it's not a lifetime of work; it's just for 13 episodes. But there are times when I just want to throw my duties out of the window. I guess for now, I can say I'll stay. For the show, for myself, for my goals. And there's the contract which I've almost signed.
Let me rephrase my first sentence. I CANNOT believe I said yes to being an E.P. again. Haven't I had enough? For more than a year in my former job, I've endured marketing meetings, production birth pains, leading the team (which only involved one-- well, okay two, counting the host) and management stuff. But here I am, doing the same things all over--which makes me wonder if I'm either desperate or I just have a short-term memory.
Half the time, I feel like I'm pretending to know what I'm doing. And more than once, I've almost sent a text to G saying that I feel that I'm not up to it. But I don't want to let her down. I know I shouldn't stay just because I don't want to disappoint other people, but I feel that I have to go through this to maybe boost my confidence or to maybe make money.
M and I were chatting via YM yesterday and she said her company offered her to be the Editor-in-Chief of another mag. She turned it down because she didn't feel ready (although I think we both know she is). I told her my dilemma and she said, "I think we just don't want the responsibility." I asked her, "So when do we take on these things?" And she answered, "I plan to do that when I'm 30."
I feel like I'm in a tasking relationship. Everyday, I make a decision to stay. After all, it's not a lifetime of work; it's just for 13 episodes. But there are times when I just want to throw my duties out of the window. I guess for now, I can say I'll stay. For the show, for myself, for my goals. And there's the contract which I've almost signed.
