ovaltine sandwiches

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Happy Happy People

Happiness is not just doing what you like, but also liking what you do.

So after resigning from my job on New Year’s Day at 2 am due to JO’s Christmas gift (Hope for the Flowers book), regretting my decision for weeks, saying yes to another job (which was supposed to start tomorrow), finding out from G that I can still go back to my job, spending a sleepless night last Friday choosing between the two jobs, I. Am. Finally. Back. To. My. Old. Job.

Oh yeth. I am amazed at how indecisive I can be sometimes. I didn’t use to be like this. When I was younger, I knew what I wanted. But now, I find myself, doing the opposite of what I (used to) believe in. I adjust. I play it by ear. I shrug my shoulders. I make mistakes.

I quit my job because I felt I wasn’t happy in it. Though I was earning good pay, working 3 times a week, and still have lots of free time, I still looked for the passion, that euphoric high, that perfect set-up I felt in 5 and up.

Ibaba mo na sa pedestal ang 5 and up na yan! J admonished when we had one of our merienda sessions. Sure. How can I not moon over the best three years of my life in that job? After 5 and up, I felt I had a clear definition of a job. A job is supposed to fulfill all of my life’s aspects—emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and not necessarily financially. I realize now after 3 years, that’s just too much to ask from a job—and that salary is also an important factor.

I overheard M telling K that she wants to quit her job and leap into the unknown because she was no longer happy. I listened to K as she explained (quite firmly but motherly) to M that a job doesn’t promise happiness. It promises to give you something to do and to pay you for it, but it doesn’t guarantee fulfillment. It’s up to the employee to find happiness in it. Or as J’s forwarded message put it, it’s up to the employee to discover her “job’s soul.”

I finally take responsibility for my happiness. I choose to be happy— starting with this job. And if choices shape our identity, then I am hopeful this will really be a happy new year for me.

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