Fumbling with Shadows

Why do some of us get more adventurous when we age? Or maybe we were already adventurous when we were children; we just didn't ponder about it. That high, thin ledge of our childhood looked like a bridge above an imaginary sea with imaginary ferocious sharks. We crossed it gingerly but bravely while our mothers scolded us to get down because it was "Delikado!" We took no heed to the warnings and sans adult sensibility, off we went and learned how to ride a bike (I actually didn't learn this), swim, or climb that perilous mango tree.

And as we grew older, we realize that we're not invincible. Being adventurous had its painful price of cuts and bruises, sprains and swells. We decided to take things easy, to avoid injury by avoiding the unfamiliar.

I am one of those safe people. And after years of trying to avoid pain, I've decided to take charge of my life. Inspired by J's yearly practice, I got my own small notebook and jotted down all my dreams of my lifetime. Every so often, I get it out of my drawer and cancel those dreams I've fulfilled and write about the experience. It can be as simple as get a pedicure (which I've already done for the first time last year) or as complicated as wear a bikini. Strangely enough, I don't fulfill those dreams consciously. I found that just having an open attitude to new, seemingly scary experiences helped me achieve more items on my notebook effortlessly. And then I have room for more. Sometimes, I'm not even aware I've fulfilled a certain dream until I check the list. I've been so caught up living the experience that the fact that it's a fulfilled goal becomes just a bonus.

Dreams fulfilled:

• joined Kuting
• have started my own business (with Spanky)
• am mastering a sport (badminton)
• traveled around Ilocos
• heard Joey Ayala and Cynthia Alexander sing live
• gone to Batanes (sa uulitin!)
• joined a writing contest
• gone to a spa
• seen the dolphins (in Tanon strait)
• visited China

And last Tuesday night, I performed a shadow play (Magnificent Benito and his Two Front Teeth by Augie and Mike Rivera, and illustrated by Jason Moss) with Nonski (of Anino) and Liwa (who made the cut-outs) in Conspiracy. I didn't know what to do and I was fumbling most of the time, but it was a great experience. It was a dream fulfilled and I didn't even know it. :)